If not you, who? And if not now, when?

Attachment is like holding on tightly to something that is always slipping through my fingers--it just gives me rope burn. But letting go--nonattachment--relieves the constant, painful irritation.

- Lama Surya Das
(http://www.dzogchen.org)

Letting go, letting be is not an easy path - it demands thought, effort, and discipline. but you can not find yourself without losing yourself, questioning the very assumptions of your being.

Its not contrary to Emerson's prescription of "spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility" infact you can only feel detached when you can "trust yourself — not your petty self, but that Self you touch in blissful solitude on quiet walks in the mountains, that Self you feel when you are at your highest best".

The economic social being, isn't it all a plot to make us conform to a certain normative behavior that makes us all productive or shall I say predictable. We can not let go as expectations fetter us, weigh us down - "I am what I consume" and we continue leaping through this illusory circus ring - "a rat on a wheel".

Why am I always yearning for that utopian reverie or chiselling (in every sense of the word) a distant memory? Why am I always trying? Why am I giving up? It's such a waste of time. The best if it ever happened was when everything just came together - without planning and without effort - like 'magic' really. I have always been atleast dissappointed if not disgusted with my efforts to conform, to make things happen, to create a 'real' me for the 'real' world, trying to put an 'h' before a 'w' but was it at all necessary. I wonder if its really half as profound or just a classical 'have vs have not' arguement, the property in question being the proverbial 'killer instinct' or the infinitely more Gandhian variety - 'initiative'.

Guess my options are between eternally trying to "fit in" or "Be the creative force on the crest of the mighty wave of this very instant".